The esteemed and brilliant editors here at Lighting Rod Sports doubled my salary this week so you, lucky reader will get double my effort at the written word. Indeed, it is a fantastic Friday the Thirteenth.
Broncos -10 vs. Chargers, Thursday Night Football
Atlanta -7 vs. Washington, 50, 11 a.m. Fox
Jeepers what a cluster in Racist City. RGIII is CRANKY!!!! He shouldn’t be though; the man has been a atrocity at quarterback. Washington can’t even lose for a draft pick with their number one going to the Rams in the slew of picks the Redskins gave up for Griffin. Showing off Cousins is their only opportunity for a trade and Cousins will become a starting passer for a team not located in Washington DC. I’m taking the other 3-10 team to win this and win big. The first DELIGHT Pick of the Week!!!
Chicago (Pick) at Cleveland, 45, 11 a.m. Fox
For all you Cutler fans out there and you know who you are, you get to watch Jay throw interceptions this week. SNAP SNAP SNAP, you go girl!!! I’m taking the Brownies, Chicago’s run defense is ranked 30th in the league.
Indianapolis -5.5 vs. Houston, 45.5, 11 a.m. CBS
Coach Kubs got fired and the immortal Wade Phillips is once again coming in as an interim coach. Seriously the dude is like a vampire, minus the glitter and good looks, he always comes back. Side note, Hollywood has destroyed a great villain. Vampires are supposed to blood sucking, freaky ass, demons. Not a bunch of effeminate drama queens. A bit like the Raiders actually.
Any who, I’m taking the Texans. It’s always weird how a bad team comes back to win the first game under a interim coach.
New England -1.5 at Miami, 45.5, 11 a.m. CBS
Jeepers!!!! That Denver loss and Charger win make’s this one hell of a big game for both teams. A little note fact about San Diego’s quarter back, Phillip Rivers. His wife has been pregnant for 16.5 years. I digress, onto this game.
Pretty amazing how far the Dolphins have come after all the drama in the beginning of the year. They desperately need a win this week to secure up a wild card spot. Riddle me this; What NFL team has the 30th ranked offense when Rob Gronkowski isn’t in their lineup? I am taking the Dolphins all day and making it a DELIGHT Pick of the Week!!
Philadelphia -4.5 at Minnesota, 51.5, 11 a.m. Fox
Seattle -7 at NY Giants, 47.5, 11 a.m. Fox
The Giants Justin Tuck and cornerback Terrell Thomas have finally stopped talking trash about guaranteeing victories. Helen Hunt and her sister once shot me down, a fiery inferno that was and it still wasn’t as embarrassing as the NY Giants have become. Seahawks and lay all those points.
San Francisco -5.5 at Tampa Bay, 41, 11 a.m. Fox
Lots of road dawgs favored this week. The Niners defense has limited their opponents to 227 offensive yards during this three game winning streak and let’s face it, it is after all the Buccaneers. I’m taking San Francisco and laying the points.
Buffalo -2 at Jacksonville, 43, 11 a.m. CBS
A win over Buffalo would give Jacksonville four straight wins for the first time since 2007. Jags running back Maurice Jones-Drew — he’s run for 264 yards in the last three games — has been a key part of their winning streak, but could be sidelined by a hamstring injury. Jacksonville has been unbelievable against the spread this second half. I’m taking them again.
Kansas City -4.5 at Oakland, 41, 2:05 p.m. CBS
How the Raiders have won four games is beyond me, a credit to their new coaching staff that might actually have Oakland in contention in the next couple of years. They won’t win this game though, the Chiefs and lay the points.
Carolina -11 vs. NY Jets, 40.5, 2:05 p.m. CBS
And his eyes have all the seeming of a Geno that is dreaming. If the Jets can hold off Carolina’s front seven, NY has a chance to cover this spread. Santonio Holmes is right, the Panthers secondary is rookies and body parts right now. Quoth the raven, take the Jets.
Mom said that English degree would never amount to anything.
Green Bay, (Off) at Dallas, 2:25 p.m. Fox
Arizona -2.5 at Tennessee, 41.5, 2:25 p.m. Fox
New Orleans -6 at St. Louis, 47.5 2:25 p.m. Fox
The Rams rank among the top three teams in the NFL in both sacks and quarterback pressures per pass attempt. Standout pass-rusher Robert Quinn ranks second in the league with 13 sacks, and Chris Long has 6.5 sacks. The Saints are notorious for struggling at St. Louis against bad Ram teams let along a decent one this year. I’m taking the Rammies.
Cincinnati -2.5 at Pittsburgh, 41.5, 6:30 p.m. NBC
The Brownies, lay the points.
Detroit -6 vs. Baltimore, 48.5 6:30 p.m. ESPN
Two 7-6 teams go head to head in this Monday Night Football game for supremacy of mediocrity. Any miss step by either team and there goes the playoffs. Matt Stanford is a better quarterback then Flacco this year but they don’t win by six points.
Side note, if you can name the poem and author of the quote I used in this column I will buy you dinner. Granted you also need to be a hot blonde of the opposite sex.